i should go
by paper piper
Summary: rin frightens sesshomaru in all the right ways. -rin/sessh


Inspired by Levi Kreis' "I Should Go." I'm starting to think that all I'm ever going to write anymore is songfics...can't decide if I like that 8/

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><p>"I Should Go"<p>

Sultry early evenings are the perfect time for a man to be with a woman. Sunsets captivate young girls' hearts the same way puppies, flowers, and small children do. Even better, sunsets are free. Lovers all over the world gather at this time of day to talk, hold hands, make love, whatever-

Yet Sesshomaru did not feel this way at all.

_Here we are_

_Isn't it familiar?_

_Haven't had someone to talk to_

_In such a long time_

When was the last time he thought he had a connection with another person, demon or human? There was little he saw in himself reflected in Jaken, and he would never see the similarities between his father, himself, and Inuyasha. Sesshomaru thought he was an island of himself, unreachable, self-sufficient, content, balmy, even attractive. Who doesn't want to be independent?

He was not, in any way, dense. Sesshomaru prided himself on his cleverness, in fact, and his ability to read others. However, he had little practice recently, aside from chattering by impish Jaken and encounters with Rin, who was becoming a problem.

_And it's strange_

_All we have in common_

_And your company was just the thing I needed tonight._

Yet here he was, following Rin into the meadow again, as he had many times before.

He argued with himself repeatedly, forced his legs to stay folded beneath a shady place, aloof, afar, away from her.

_Somehow I feel I should apologize_

_Cuz I'm just a little shaken_

_By what's going on inside_

Rin was still a child, by his standards, although many other men would have grabbed at the chance to, well, grab her.

She was a teenager now, the climax of her youth and beauty, a beauty of soft brown eyes, freckled cheeks, and wavy dark hair. Her body, he painfully learned through the years, bled, and ached, and caused her distress, but it was also a force of attraction for him.

_I should go_

_Before my will gets any weaker_

_And my eyes begin to linger_

_Longer than they should_

She was splendid. Rin had slim, boyish hips and a small chest as of yet, but she was enough of a woman to tempt him beyond madness.

_I should go_

_Before I lose my sense of reason_

_And this hour holds more meaning_

_Than it ever could_

Sesshomaru coughed under his breath and forced himself to relax as he stood awkwardly in the field. Rin was sitting easily with her back to him, humming and tossing her hair in the easy wind. The world around them was golden, and the earth was warm beneath his feet. Jaken had disappeared, no one was around.

It would be a simple matter to touch her, come from behind her and overwhelm her with his demonic power, with his pale manliness, his raw, possessive stare. He imagined her trembling and flushing as he delighted in her, visiting and revisiting the parts of her he had only glimpsed.

_I should go_

_I should go_

_Baby, I should go_

"My lord?" she addressed him, and he pulled out of his fantasy. Rin had turned her head over her shoulder with a question in her eyes.

"It is nothing, Rin," he offered lamely.

She giggled, her mouth curving sweetly, and stood, the small bouquet customarily in her left hand. "That worked when I was little, my lord," she said, "but I know better now."

_It's so hard_

_Keeping my composure_

_And pretend I don't see how_

_Your body curves beneath your clothes_

He was taken aback when she said those words. Sesshomaru found he was rustier at reading her than he had thought; she merely stood before him, with the sun on her back, framing her figure and illuminating her body like an angel.

"What do you mean, Rin?" he gasped, before he could stop himself.

_And your laugh_

_Is pure and unaffected_

Again, that tinkling, silvery sound, like water over rocks: her laugh. RIn swung around easily, dancing like wind, toward him and back, her hair flipping over her shoulders and hurting his resolve.

"Oh, nothing, my lord."

_It frightens me to know so well the place I shouldn't go_

She turned away, but he would not let her. Sesshomaru reached out and before he could stop himself, he had taken her wrist in his firm grip. He was serious, too serious, his eyes locked on her like a predator.

"My lord?" she was startled now, and her pretty mouth dropped open.

_I know I gotta take the noble path_

_'Cause I don't want you to question_

_The intentions that I have_

He never thought he would have the will, but Sesshomaru released her. One look at those plump little lips, and he knew he could not stop himself once he started. He shoved her a little roughly back, as if stung, and turned away before he could catch the look on her face.

He stalked off toward the forest like a pouting child.

_I should go_

_Before my will gets any weaker_

_And my eyes begin to linger_

_Longer than they should_

"My lord!" she called after him, chasing him into the wood.

Foolish child didn't understand, she was blind, she _must_ be blind if she couldn't see that she was the problem.

"My lor—"

He rounded on her and stopped her dead in her tracks. "Rin!" he cried. "Leave me be!" His words came out a whimper, though he had meant them to be a growl.

Those round brown eyes flooded instantly, as if he'd turned on a faucet inside her. Rin quickly covered her face with her hands, but he saw the tears leaking through pathetically. Sesshomaru felt small, worthless, watching her cry. He rarely saw Rin cry, and the scene both mystified and unnerved him.

_I should go_

_Before I lose my sense of reason_

_And this hour holds more meaning_

_Than it ever could_

He wanted to hold her, rock her as he had when she was child, to clutch her close and not be tempted to throw her to the ground and ravish her completely. Sesshomaru trembled—he was not a trembler.

_I should go_

_I should go_

_Baby, I should go_

"Rin," he said, and her name was in the softness of a lover. "I'm sorry."

_I don't mean to leave you with a trivial excuse_

_And when you call tomorrow, I'll know what to do_

She pulled her face from her hands and looked up at him. Her eyes were still watery, and her cheeks were reddish. He knelt down to the forest floor and rubbed the wetness from her cheeks. Rin crawled naturally into the warmth of his arms and he let her.

Sesshomaru would not look at her when he spoke. "You have to understand," he said, trying to force the gravity of himself on her, "you have to understand, Rin. I shouldn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't, under any other circumstances."

_I should go_

_Before my will gets any weaker_

_And my eyes begin to linger_

_Longer than they should_

She understood, though he never thought she could. Rin nodded. "Should."

The word was a barrier between them—the world of the ideal, the world where a human and a demon would not, could not, should not exist together; the world where she should already be dead; the world where her life should mean little in the grand scheme of things.

"Should." When he spoke the word, he sounded unsure of himself. "Should," he repeated, trying to substantiate it.

Rin cocked her head at him, and though she did not smile, she was beautiful. The world of "should" showed itself completely: a world of loneliness, of long nights and long walks, of a heart unable to wrap itself around another, of dying without a child to call his own. "Should" was far less attractive than the bundle of youthful sexuality in his arms at the moment. His next words came suddenly, triumphantly, though slowly.

"Rin, should…I…?"

"Yes!" She pounced on him, like a child, her lips against his.

_I should go_

_Before I lose my sense of reason_

_And this hour holds more meaning_

_Than it ever could_

That world of "should" fell out from under him.

_I should go_

_I should go_

_Baby, I should go_

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><p>Hey! Alrighty, first attempt at a SessXRin: was it any good? Lemme know!<p> 


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